Topic Title: Day #3 and nothing....
| |  "Day #3 and nothing...."
, Thu 1 Dec 14:10
I'm still pretty much down.
As I drive home at night, I think of coming home and everyone greets me, the ol' "daddy's home"...but when I actually do come home my wife and 9 year old daughter don't really say anthing to me. (They don't know about me taking SJW and my depression)
My wife stares at me and asks me "what's wrong with you?"
I only wish I could answer. I mainly sit outside by myself,alone with my thoughts. Something just happens when I come home. I feel nothing. Nothing gives me enjoyment anymore.
I don't feel like riding my harley or going fishing, I just want to be left alone, hoping this will pass with the SJW, I don't want to go to a Mental doctor. I'm not crazy!
But something needs to give. If things continue to spiral downward it will brew negative feelings from my daughter and wife towards me. And then i will have nothing to lose. At that point, lock me up. I'm hoping that the SJW will help.
Posts: 2 | | Registered: Wed 30 Nov 2005 10:45 |
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| | "Re(1):Day #3 and nothing...." , Thu 8 Dec 10:35
I have scheduled an appointment for myself with a doctor.
(pchycologist/phyciatrist) for next Tuesday. I didn't want to go this route, this is my last hope.
Last night I was trying to put up the Christmas lights, (by myself) and I was changing out one of those bulbs (you know, one goes out, the whole thing doesn't work.)
Well long story short, I ended up throwing a fit like a frusterated child and ended up repeatedly stompping on the lights and screaming out of frustration. (you guessed it, just in the heat of the moment, I noticed the sliding glass door shutting. (my wife or daughter was comming outside and apparently decided to retreat back inside.) I'm usually not a violent person, no one was involved but those poor Christmas lights that now have to be replaced.
I'm ashamed, and just don't know what to do or think anymore.
(by the way, It's currently day #11 on SJW.) I will continue to take the SJW. I'm hoping that it will eventually "kick in". but I have my doubts, I feel like it's all getting worse.
If the Shrink can't fix me, I just don't know what to do.
Posts: 6 | | Registered: Wed 30 Nov 2005 10:45 |
| | | "Re(2):Day #3 and nothing...." , Thu 8 Dec 13:02
Hi,
If you feel like you may be getting worse, it may be due to the sjw. Almost every time I have started sjw and also when I started prozac years ago, I felt much worse at first. Then after about 4-6 weeks the antidepressant effects would kick in and I would start to feel better. I'm not really sure why this is but I have read other people have had similar experiences. You might just want to be aware of this and know that if you are indeed feeling worse you may feel a great deal better in a few weeks. Hang in there, Samantha
Posts: 10 | | Registered: Mon 28 Nov 2005 10:22 |
| | "Re(1):Day #3 and nothing...." , Sun 4 Dec 11:06
I think you need to talk to someone in person, maybe like your wife or a professional concelor.It does not mean you are crazy if one feels down or sad or not loved..You are probably a very sensitive, emotional person.When someone has a bad wound they go to a doctor, so nothing more important than your brain is free and runnings mooth too. You are actually health when you ask for help. Means you care about yourself. Experimenting with herbs and all this stuff can be ok if you know what works, but not if you are really down.
Take care of you and see a councelor and not a drug pushing doctir either..Be careful of a these 20 minute psychiotrits who want to push you on anti -depressents and that is all they want to get you on..This is not the first way to deal with problems.
Good luck and hang in there, it all works out.
Posts: 4 | | Registered: Mon 21 Nov 2005 12:13 |
| | "Re(1):Day #3 and nothing...." , Thu 1 Dec 21:25:
Hi Mangler-
Do you have any ideas what might be causing the depression? Is there something in your life situation that may have brought it on? Or are you completely stumped and can't see any reason for it? You mention your daughter... how old are you? People joke (cruelly) about mid-life crisis, but the fact is that after around age 40 all our bodies start changing pretty drastically. Our robust hormone system starts to become less responsive and can really wreck havoc with many people's emotions. By the way, don't feel squeamish about seeing a counselor. It can really help to have someone think through some of the things that are happening together and help you come up with a good plan to get better. Of course there are both good and bad counselors out there, but someone objective listening and rooting for you can help a lot as you make changes and/or try various treatments.
Whatever you do, *don't panic*. As I think many other people here will attest, body/brain chemistry is very weird. It is very common among people with depression to sometimes feel that life is over and there's no reason to go on. Then you find the right life change and/or treatment, and the world can turn around 360 degrees, only to leave you wondering "How can I ever have had all those extremely negative thoughts?"
It is vital that we have deep faith in the essential goodness of life, especially when there seems no goodness left. It's also vital that we get help when we need it.
Have lots and lots of patience, and work very hard to find out what's really happening and how to change it.
Never give up. Remember the person you have always been until recently. Murdering him (=yourself) is NOT an answer. He needs (=you need) your (own) protection now more than ever.
-H2Obuffalo
[this message was edited by H2Obuffalo on Thu 1 Dec 21:44]
Posts: 166 | | Registered: Sat 24 May 2003 2:26 |
| | | "Re(2):Day #3 and nothing...." , Tue 6 Dec 05:44
Well it's now day #8 on SJW. I am talking to my wife and family now. The way I see it. Everyone is pretending nothing happened.
And that's okay with me. I'm ashamed of my actions.
When I first started talking to me wife, she explained to me that she was used to it (my "down times"), she said that it was a normal thing for her for me to do this. She said that in years past, during birthdays, holidays, and sometimes in between, I would become very distant, agitated and basically an A-hole. This has become the norm. I was shocked that she saw things that way, and it made me realize what I have put others through. I never looked at it that way. Unfourtunately, she's right.
I am 31 years old and we have been married for 12 years w/ 9yr old daughter. I know I have deep rooted issues with my birth family, but who doesn't? I am my own man with my own family now.
I do want to help myself, but I do not see myself going to group or individual therapy. There are more important things to take care of than spending all kinds of money because "daddy's feelings are hurt". As long as I keep working and keep everyone happy then I guess I'm happy. (until the next holiday or episode) The problem is, these episodes are progressively becoming worse (for me that is, it's harder to hide it, and they last allot longer in duration.) I don't want it to be considered and accepted by my wife as normal behavior. It should'nt have to be. I've always looked at myself as the "provider" not the "tormentor"!
I believe it does me good to share with you. I cannot say these things in person.
Posts: 3 | | Registered: Wed 30 Nov 2005 10:45 |
| | | "Re(2):Day #3 and nothing...." , Fri 2 Dec 10:42
Hi H20 Buffalo,
I'm new here but I have read quite a few of your posts and you seem like a kind person who also has quite a bit of experience with different brands of sjw.
I, like you, don't think that I respond very well to high-hypreforin sjw. I never in my life had a problem with anxiety/agitation until I experimented with HBC Protocols sjw (a research-grade, high hyperforin brand). While it did work for me once years ago, I can't seem to recapture the effect - I tried taking it again this fall and had a horrific experience - I became moody and irritated and obsessive and cried all the time (usually I cry like 2-3 times a year!). I know that sjw sometimes makes you feel worse before it makes you better but I just couldn't tough it out - it was that bad.
While the sjw is leaving my system and I am beginning to feel better, I do still suffer from low-grade depression and think that I need some sort of chemical help. I hate synthetic antidepressants though (was on prozac once for a couple of months and felt so weird) and I know so many people who have had really scary experiences with prescribed antidepressants. I mean, I could write a whole other post about that. But to get to the point, do you think it is worth my while to try another sjw brand such as Nature's Resource or GNC or maybe even Kira? I want so desperately for something to help me but am wondering if it is stupid to go back to something that made me feel so bad, even if it is in a slightly different form. Are you currently on sjw and if so, would you mind sharing what brand you are on/how it is working?
Thanks and take care, samantha
p.s. Mangler I am not trying to steal your spotlight. I hope you feel better soon and maybe you should share your struggles with your wife - I'm sure she would want to know what you are dealing with and keeping her out of the loop will only harm your relationship. Depression is so hard to deal with - we often don't want to have to talk about it but then when we isolate ourselves we feel so lonely. I have pushed friends/boyfriends away because I was ashamed of how I was feeling and I really wouldn't recommend going that route. Best of luck and keep us posted.
Posts: 3 | | Registered: Mon 28 Nov 2005 10:22 |
| | | "Re(3):Day #3 and nothing...." , Mon 5 Dec 01:10:
Hi Samantha-
The only brand of SJW that has worked really well for me was recently *discontinued*. It was the old GNC Sjw extract 300 mg TABLETS. GNC recently reformulated and repackaged this product. Now it is a *powder* in *capsules*, (even if Drugstore.com says it is still tablets- it's not- it's the new capsules). The tablets do not seem to be available anywhere, unless a GNC store still has old unsold bottles.
I have tried the capsules, and they do the same for me that most SJW products do- not much. Since the GNC tablets were the center of my supplement regimen, I have really been frustrated lately. The GNC "fingerprinted" product is interesting, but ultimately unhelpful. I have been trying every remaining brand under the sun, looking for a replacement for the old GNC formulation. The best I have come up with so far is:
1) One NATURAL FACTORS Standardized SJW Extract capsule with breakfast.
2) One more Natural Factors capsule with lunch.
3) Two SOURCE NATURALS Standardized SJW Extract tablets with dinner. (I may cut this down to a more normal one-tablet dose in a while).
If I take Natural Factors only all day, it is too stimulating and I can't sleep even decently. If I take only Source Naturals only all day, I feel drained from morning to evening. The above combo is the best I've come up with so far, although I still don't feel as good as I did on the old GNC tablet formula. That old formula really tickled some corner of my brain at night and made my sleep more refreshing, which is one of my main problems- I can make myself sleep, but I don't feel much refreshment in the morning. This lack of normal sleep at night makes me feel malfunctional and at deaths' door during the day.
At first I was very skeptical of the Source Naturals tablets. They seem very small, and they look like they have been burned black on the outside from high heat resulting from the tablet pressing machinary. I was surprised to find that they were more effective the the other brands I've tried. Also, Natural Factors says "Hyperforin Rich" on the label, but it is also standardized to hypericin. As long as I don't take this product alone, I don't get the intolerable extreme agitation that I get with SJW products like Perika that are standardized for hyperforin.
That's the situation here for now. I still hope to find something better, but I'm running out of brands to try. Anyway, I hope some of this information might be helpful for you.
-H2Obuffalo
[this message was edited by H2Obuffalo on Mon 5 Dec 01:13]
Posts: 167 | | Registered: Sat 24 May 2003 2:26 |
| | | "Re(4):Day #3 and nothing...." , Mon 5 Dec 10:37
Hi again,
Thanks for the info. It's amazing that there is such a big difference between the tablet and capsule form of GNC - sorry to hear they discontinued your favorite kind of sjw.
I tried the Nature's Resource brand sjw this past weekend but it unfortunately produced that same "intolerable extreme agitation" that you speak of (but maybe a little less pronounced than with hbc protocols). I'm so dissapointed - and surprised. Even though Nature's resource does not specify how much hyperforin it contains, surely it could not even come close to the 4% hyperforin in hbc protocols.
Anyway, I think I'm going to try 'bioforce sjw complex' next - it was recommeded to me by someone else on this forum as very mild. If that doesn't work out I will look into one of your brands. Thanks again and take care, samantha
p.s. Have you ever actually tried the GNC fingerprinted version sjw? I only ask because I came accross this website about depression where some woman really promotes this brand - she was on prozac for years and then went off cold turkey and went immediately onto GNC fingerprinted which she said worked just as well as prozac. I know that doesn't mean anything since we are all so different, but it made me think that this fingerprinted kind must be stronger than it seems if it can stand up to prozac. Just a thought......
Posts: 6 | | Registered: Mon 28 Nov 2005 10:22 |
| | | "Re(5):Day #3 and nothing...." , Wed 7 Dec 22:13:
Hi Samantha-
A quick update: I've started having doubts about the Natural Factors brand for my condition. At first it is pleasantly stimulating, but lately I'm finding it sort of like drinking excessive caffeine: a big boost, but it seems to be wearing me down in the long run and leaving me with a sort of "caffeine burnout" feeling. Today I switched over to using just the Source Naturals again. (I'm taking Source Natural's standard three-a-day 300 mg SJW extract TABLET, not their two-a-day 450 mg tablet and not their SJW extract in capsules) These tablets seem to be the closest thing to the old GNC tablet product that worked so well for me. If other brands make you jittery/agitated, personally I would recommend trying the Source Naturals rather than the Natural Factors.
Best wishes, and please keep in touch.
-H2Obuffalo
[this message was edited by H2Obuffalo on Wed 7 Dec 22:18]
Posts: 169 | | Registered: Sat 24 May 2003 2:26 |
| | | "Re(6):Day #3 and nothing...." , Thu 8 Dec 13:40
Hi H20 Buffalo,
Thanks for the update. I will definetly look into the Source Naturals brand. I know that I keep saying this, but I am just so amazed that all these different formulations of the exact same herb can have such varying effects! Capsules vs. tablets, hyperforin vs. hypericin standardized, liquid vs. freeze-dried.....it's all kind of exasperating but definitely worth the effort if it saves you from a synthetic antidepressant. And I guess all the variation is a good thing - if one brand of sjw does not work out we can still hope that another kind may. And hope is so important, especially when you are depressed.
I'm hoping and praying that the next brand of sjw that I try works out for me and that I don't have to go back to prozac - I'm frightened of that stuff. I was only on 10 mg when I was on it several years ago but it completley kicked me on my a**. First it made me UNBELIEVABLY depressed and then it made me kind of full of myself and weird. And I won't even go into what it was like going off of it. Anyway, I'm starting to ramble here. Thanks again for all of your help and take care, Samantha.
Posts: 11 | | Registered: Mon 28 Nov 2005 10:22 |
| | | "Re(5):Day #3 and nothing...." , Tue 6 Dec 23:31
Hi-
Yes, I was taking the GNC fingerprint SJW for a while. I was skeptical, because in our drive to disect and analyze everything a lot of people poo-poo any SJW product that isn't a standardized extract. The fingerprinted product was better tolerated by me than the average extract. It did not make me anxious/agitated. On the contrary, it made me very relaxed and cozy feeling. Unfortunately it made me too relaxed. I would sleep through the night, but would wake up feeling even *emptier/less refreshed* than without it. It's so funny when we try to describe how a particular supplements makes us feel and practically impossible to convey to other people. But in short, the fingerprinted product made me more sleepy but less refreshed in the morning, with a particular feeling of "emptiness". I tried descreasing the dose but that did not help. Ultimately I dropped it and tried other things, because it wasn't helping. That was just my own experience, of course. Clearly different people respond differently to various supplements, especially any that effect neurotransmitters.
-H2Obuffalo
Posts: 167 | | Registered: Sat 24 May 2003 2:26 |
| | | "Re(6):Day #3 and nothing...." , Wed 11 Jan 08:15
Hi,
Not sure if you check back here but I just wanted to let you know of a new brand that I found - well, it's not a new brand but one I hadn't heard of before. It's called remotiv (Ze117 preparation if you are familiar with that). It contains practically no hyperforin whatsoever (except in trace amounts) and was found to be equal in efficacy to both prozac and imipramine in clinical studies.
The bioforce sjw did not work out for me unfortunately and I ordered for this remotiv brand from an australian pharmacy (it's not sold in the US) so I'm hoping that it might help me. If I can't tolerate this kind either I will know that it is not just the hyperforin that doesn't agree with me but something else in the sjw. Anyway, I know you have a sjw system going that works for you but I thought I would just share this info with you since I know you have hyperforin issues as well. Also, do you know how much hyperforin the 'source naturals' brand that you recommend contains? I tried to look it up on the internet but couldn't find this piece of information. Thanks and hope you are well!
Samantha.
Posts: 21 | | Registered: Mon 28 Nov 2005 10:22 |
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