Topic Title: social anxiety / shyness
| |  "social anxiety / shyness / depression"
, Sun 27 Nov 13:48:
I have an interesting possible solution to help shyness. Acupuncture. Acupuncture reduces anxiety and makes it easier to cope. No side effects and no risks. I am being treated for carpal tunnel and I noticed immediately that my anxiety level and tension level was greatly diminished. I felt I could cope much easier with daily stressors. I filled out a large questionaire when I started and it listed evey symptom possible to humankind and I checked several of them. The acupuncturist took it from there. I feel LOTS better in MANY ways. Check into it. It may help you.
Take care,
Diane
www.shyrelease.com
[this message was edited by Felix on Sun 27 Nov 13:52]
Posts: 1 | | Registered: Sun 27 Nov 2005 13:47 |
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| | "Re(1):social anxiety / shyness / depression" , Sat 17 Dec 22:20:
Hi Diane,
Just wanted to say that I visited your site, www.shyrelease,com , and found it useful and interesting. I read a couple of your articles and think you're doing a great thing. Many people are shy, sometimes extremely shy, but most don't do anything about it. As for me, creating sjwinfo.org years ago was a first step towards being more open for me. I am outgoing enough in my work... but most people don't believe me when I say that I am still quite shy when in some social settings, especially when it comes to meeting girls. It can cause a great deal of stress and sadness but I hope to figure it out and deal with it before I get too old and find myself still single.
Kelly
[this message was edited by kelly on Sat 17 Dec 22:22]
Posts: 807 | | Registered: Thu 5 Oct 2000 21:48 |
| | | "Help for Social Anxiety" , Wed 4 Jan 07:35:
Always one to try and offer information which may help others I noticed this thread on shyness, and Kelly the moderators comments on his understanding of "shyness".
I suffer with shyness though these techniques have really helped me:
I though a lot of people may benefit from this article by helping themselves reduce their self created anxiety.
Dr Albert Ellis is the developer of REBT (Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy). He is currently having a lot of problems with the institute he set up but is regarded as one of the best pyschologists of this time.
Question: What is shyness and how can I overcome it?
Dr. Albert Ellis Answers: Shyness can be quite normal and sensible—as when you shy away from doing things you really don’t want to do but in a moment of weakness you promised to do. Or when you shy away from staying too long with difficult and boring people. Good.
Most of what we call shyness, however, results from fear of rejection and of being disapproved. Thus, you avoid approaching people who you think will find you inferior. When you are illegitimately shy, you first rationally tell yourself, “I do not like being rejected, and wish I get accepted by people I favor.” This Rational Belief (RB) and feeling leads you to avoid “dangerous” people and to try to get accepted by others. Fine. But when you are very shy, you add an Irrational Belief-feeling, “I absolutely must not ever be rejected! If I am, it’s awful, and I can’t stand it! Rejection makes me, a person, totally inadequate! Horrors!”
Your second, Irrational Belief-feeling (IB) scares you witless and drives you to avoid any people who might possibly reject you and thereby prove “your utter worthlessness.” It creates your disturbed shyness. It makes you manufacture your scariness.
If Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is correct about this, what can you do to reduce your disturbed shyness? Try the following actions:
1.Fully see that you choose to create your shyness. It doesn’t merely come from an Activating Event or Activating Situation (A). You choose to Believe and to feel it at B, your Belief-feeling.
2. Fully realize that you don’t have to choose Irrational Belief-feelings at B about a situation where you may be rejected. You can instead choose a Rational Belief-feeling (RB), such as, “I greatly dislike rejection but still can stand it and fully accept myself, me, when and if I don’t get it.” Give yourself, with this philosophy, Unconditional Self-Acceptance (USA). Completely accept your entirety in spite of your failing to get accepted.
3. Give yourself, in addition, the REBT philosophy of Unconditional Life Acceptance (ULA)—that is, “I fully accept my life, my ongoing existence, whether or not I get what I want. I definitely prefer, but do not need, what I want, such as social acceptance. It’s bad when I get rejected and don’t get what I want, but I can try next time to get it. My rejection is part of my life but it doesn’t equal me. I can still get a great deal of happiness in life in spite of this particular rejection.It doesnt make me a rejectble person, Im merely a human being. Too bad—but not awful.”
Your seeing that irrational rejection really is a choice to reject you totally when someone rejects you in part, and you see that this is an irrational choice for you to make. This will stop you from denigrating yourself if and when others reject you. Then you have nothing to lose by unselfishly trying and trying again for social acceptance.
[this message was edited by papuanewguinea on Thu 5 Jan 07:21]
Posts: 5 | | Registered: Thu 3 Nov 2005 13:54 |
| | | "Re(1):Help for Social Anxiety" , Tue 28 Feb 04:53
Hi papuanewguinea, this is reyhav. I have read your informative discussion. It really interest me a lot because it is my no. problem this time. I really too shy and it make me nervous when i encounter people which i my atmosphere are new to me. Its ok and i can handle the situation if only my sweating stops. I dont know why it happen when i sweat come on my way when i feel shy. I am very interested with your sharing. I hope you can recomend to me a best book that will enable me to overcome this feeling. Is there any ways of you that you seem will help me alot (like herbs, way of life, etc.) I appreciate you so much for your reply since its my no. 1 problem and it gave me so much anexiety.
Thanks again. I will wait for you reply here....
reyhav
Posts: 14 | | Registered: Mon 23 Jan 2006 14:42 |
| | | "Re(1):Help for Social Anxiety" , Thu 19 Jan 06:04
Looks like the creator of the above philosophy doesn't understand "physical" shyness i.e those sufferers who either blush or have a strong physical feeling that their eyes are being pushed down, they can't raise their head, or suffer anxiety and racing heart etc.
I'm sure it is of use for some people though.
Posts: 97 | | Registered: Tue 1 Feb 2005 18:0 |
| | | "Re(2):Help for Social Anxiety" , Sun 22 Jan 15:45:
These are indeed unfortunate and saddening aspects of anxiety. Many different people who anxietise report different sensations, as the levels of adrenaline in their bodies rise, preparing them for the "fight or flight" action.
They however have learnt to be anxious in certain situations and can un-learn to be like this in certain situations.
REBT would recomend that people who blush during social encounters do not have to feel shame about this problem, as this exacerbates the anxiety e.g "I MUST not blush, How TERRIBLE that is. People will see it and think all sorts of me!" which creates further anxiety and further blushing.
The same goes for racing heart, or any physical symptom. These to a large extent are a physical manifestation of our unhealthy beliefs, and our unhealthy beliefs create the largets part of excessive anxiety. We may have a primary symptom, but sometimes we can add to that by saying "I SHOULD not be having a racing heart" or "My head SHOULD not be looking down and being submissive and shy" which actually increases the original anxiety. In these circumstances deep breathing has helped me, as well as more healthy ways of thinking. Working with this recent example, my rationalisation would be such as "Oh well, id prefer it if i didnt blush but it doesnt make it a shamefull thing to do.It may pass in time." If we try and stop a thought it will come back and haunt us. If we accept it and let it go it will dissipate with time.
I hope that you take something away from this and that this has helped you. Maybe a talk with a professonal about why you feel anxious in social situations would help. There are many different ways of overcoming our problems thankfully.
Warm wishes
[this message was edited by papuanewguinea on Mon 23 Jan 10:16]
Posts: 11 | | Registered: Thu 3 Nov 2005 13:54 |
| | | "Re(3):Help for Social Anxiety" , Mon 6 Feb 21:43
I just want to say that I have been anxious all my life. And i dont know if this has to do with heredity or maybe it is learned behavior connected to your childhood experience. the only thing i know about my anxiety is that when my heart beats faster like after coffee or cold medicine (which contains efedrine and coffee), or methamphetamine i dont seem so anxious. So i figure out it has to do with your heart rate and the amount of blood and oxygen reaching to your brain.
Posts: 3 | | Registered: Wed 1 Feb 2006 22:42 |
| | | "Re(4):Help for Social Anxiety" , Mon 6 Mar 14:52
Maybe layin off the speed would do you a few favours.
Sugestion just a
;-)
Posts: 14 | | Registered: Thu 3 Nov 2005 13:54 |
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