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Will it ever End


New Member
I've been through alot in the past 3 months. I lost my dad suddenly. And he was my bestfriend and my all time support. I've been haveing a difficult time trying to deal with his loss. And I feel as if something is takeing hold of my life. None of my thoughts are clear and I'm consumed by anger.
I recently started takeing St. Johns Wort and its helping. I feel so much calmer. I'm not on edge as much as I feel like there is hope and I can make it through this with a little bit of help.
I'm sorry to hear about your dad. It is good that you are trying to help yourself and having some success at feeling better. I hope you continue to improve. Hang in there!
I don't know if you are still reading this thread or not, but I read your post and wanted to express condolences on the loss of your dad. I lost my dad two years ago and even though it had been long expected (long term, terminal illness), it was still so difficult.

Now I understand how hard it is to lose a parent. It's so difficult. Like you, I was so close to my dad, and I considered him such an important part of my life. I'm not a religious person, but I definitely believe in life after death, and I'm sure I will see him again. It's been two years for me, and I can still get terribly worked up, out of the blue. I don't consider these feelings part of depression; I think they're normal grief. They come and wash over me in waves; that's the best way I can describe it. I don't dread them or anything like that. They make me feel like I'm still connected him in some way.

I will say, however, that at first the idea of world without him in it was so strange, just alien to me. It was surreal. I did finally adjust, and I know I've accepted his passing, but I don't think it's anything you ever totally get over. It just becomes part of who you are. Because you loved so much, you will always have this part of you that misses someone very much. I don't think it's a bad thing at all. But this is my own experience, and I would never, ever tell anyone how to grieve. If you're not harming anyone (like one of my siblings after my dad died), there really is no right or wrong way to grieve. Pretty much anything you are feeling is normal. It's difficult, for sure. I wouldn't have missed loving and knowing my dad for anything, so I have accepted that losing him was part of the plan, so to speak. If all goes as expected, children lose their parents, not the other way around.

I hope that you do know if your grief does not abate any in the coming months or if you experience thoughts of harming yourself, etc, then you should def look into something to help you with depression. Grief is not depression. It's so painful, yes, but not the same thing as depression.

I did go on Wellbutrin after my dad died for a few months, and I know it helped. Now, I just have what I think are very healthy and normal feelings of missing someone I love very much.

Again, sorry for your loss. I hope things improve.