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Is it worth it?


Senior Member
It has been three weeks since I have decreased my dosage from 900mg to 600mg. I started to feel great the last couple of weeks until yesterday. I felt really anxious and depressed because of a situation. It was really difficult because I was in public yesterday and felt like I needed to go into the bathroom and cry. I had to hold it back, lest I come out with bloodshot eyes. Over-all, I think I was having a panic attack. It really sucked.

Sometimes I really want to go back on antidepressants. I came off of Celexa last summer and I went onto 5htp in the fall. The benefits lasted two months. After 5htp, I started SJW in the winter. Yet, at this point I'm looking back at this year and really feeling like I have suffered a lot trying make alternative medicines work for me. It has felt like I'm constantly struggling with depression and it is so tiresome.

One friend told me, maybe your body needs the antidepressants. If this is a chemical imbalance, why shouldn't I take the ADs? I know that I needed to try and see if I could deal with depression naturally, so I know this process hasn't been a waste of time. However, I do know that I could have probably had a great year if I was on AD. I shouldn't think this way, but I see how my marriage has suffered, how I have suffered, and how my performance in my work has suffered. I also feel like I have isolated myself from people so much, which isn't good since I've only lived where I am for two years.

This depression is so difficult. I am not giving up on SJW yet, but it is these moments when I feel so horrible that it doesn't seem worth it.
Hi analea21,

I know exactly how you feel. I think you are doing the right thing by trying a few different things, some herbal and some prescription (or at least in the past you have). How long have you used each alternative herb/pill? SJW takes up to 6 weeks, and 5-HTP could take up to 2 weeks. Also, are you combining all of them together? As in, 5-HTP + SJW + prescription+etc... ? Some can go together, I *think* 5HTP + SJW will work, but not all.

I do not, however, think you should regret not staying on a prescription. Many herbal treatments have been proven to work as effectively as a prescription (SJW is one of them), so you did not compromise potential by choosing something else.

I sincerely hope something works out for you. Regardless, we all know how you feel (*exactly* how you feel), and have our ears open, so please get anything you want to say off your chest, be it venting, a question, statements, etc... everybody is so supportive here. Remember that you are not alone--we are here for you.

Best regards,
Analea, I saw your post a couple of days ago, but didn't want to respond because I was and am having the same thoughts, and I didn't want to discourage you.

One thing I did want to point out to you is that you wrote here that you've been doing mostly quite well, with the exception of the day you wrote about here, when you felt upset and panicky. Maybe that day was just a bad day and nothing more.

As for me, I can't do this anymore. I need myself. My family needs me. I've worked on this for two months on my own, and it has not worked. I don't feel any better than I did two months ago. SJW did not work for me. Sam-e seemed so promising at first, but the stomach problems have been too intense for me to keep taking it. I'm not willing to lose another two months trying to avoid an rx. I'll be calling my GP tomorrow to ask for a rx for wellbutrin. I've had good results from it before, so at this point, I'm ready to use it again. I would not rule out trying sam-e or other remedies in the future, but at this point, I feel like you've expressed feeling in your post: is this worth it? In my case, I've made the decision that it is not worth it--hence, an rx is in order.

Hope you're feeling more like yourself, and if not, there's no "failure" in going back to an rx. The goal is to live without depression and anxiety, no matter how you get there.


Senior Member
BelleKelle, I did have a bad day, but the anxiety has lasted since last Wednesday. I think I'm going to use xanax or ativan this week and see if the anxiety is not as bad next week. I have a big performance I have to do this week and so, perhaps its situational.

Everytime I have an anxiety attack, I think that I need to go back on an AD. I felt like that this afternoon. I'm sure I can say the same thing about rx-- is it worth it? The side-effects are what caused me to want to come off of it. Yet, I feel like anything is better than suffering through the depression and anxiety. It is so debilitating, and I want to live my life.
Analea, I have said it before on this forum, and elsewhere: benzo's have their place. I also believe that the negative things about them are exaggerated. Anyone who is taking these drugs for a bona fide reason does not abuse them because the relief they provide is too valuable. Of course, there will always be those who seek to get high off anything and everything, and for those people, benzo's are lots of fun. They are not the average person, however, and I am almost offended by the stereotyping of benzos and those who use them, because it is based, imo, on those who abuse the drugs.

Most of us here, at least as far as I can ascertain from reading posts, is well aware of the relationship between depression and anxiety. It's probably been said/written elsewhere that they are symptoms of the same malfunction in the human brain. Yet they are different symptoms. Depression is about feeling, about despair, loss of interest and hope. Anxiety is about fear, intense, acute, debilitating dread. Maybe SJW and 5 htp work primarily on the feelings of despair and do not treat the fear.

For those reasons, maybe you should at least consider an anti-anxiety med along with the herbal/5htp remedies you have been using. It's worth talking about with your doctor, I think. If I had experienced any relief worth writing home about with either SJW or SAMe, I wouldn't hesitate to bring it up with my family physician. (In fact, I'm rather disappointed that I cannot go to my May appt and tell him such.)

Add to all of that the fact that benzos are taken on an as needed basis, and that they are not toxic to the system like ADs are. Maybe you ought to consider asking your doc for an rx for a benzo, but keep using SJW as you have been. No need to toss the baby out with the bath water, IOW.

I know that for me, wellbutrin works so well on the feelings of depression, the despair, but it does not treat anxiety. That's why when I've been on wellbutrin, I've also had a rx for anxiety (klonopin). That's okay with me. The combination works for me. I was hoping that I could deal with the depression this time without the rx, but I've now come to the conclusion that I cannot. So I'll be asking for the same combination that has worked for me in the past: wellbutrin PLUS klonopin. Maybe a few months down the road, when I'm feeling stronger, I can give up the wellbutrin. I can tell you, however, that I've had a long history with klonopin, and I have no intention of giving it up: it's cheap, it's harmless unless I abuse it, and it is not a toxic drug. Why would I give that up? Just to use a so-called natural remedy? Well, so what! What I want is: easy to take, no serious or hard-to-handle side effects; not too terribly expensive; effective. Klonopin does all of that for me.

Good luck. I know from perusing the boards here that you've put a lot of thought and effort and heart into all of this, and I sincerely wish you the best, or as Shy1 would have put it, I wish you the healing you are seeking. And as Quacker put it, we all know something about the feelings you are experiencing. They make life harder than it should be. Do what you need to do in order to make life closer to what it should mean for you. If that means taking an rx, for anxiety or for depression, then so be it. Your end goal is the same as the one you had when you started 5htp: to carry on with your life, with yourself as you know yourself.

edited to add: I just re-read your initial post on this thread and see that you are also experiencing depression symptoms. My response above was based on what I thought was your "complaint" of anxiety and anxiety attacks, not depression. Take it all with a grain of salt. No one here is a doctor, and none can say exactly what is the right course for you. If my example is any help, fine, but my intention is NOT to discourage you from pursuing a natural, herbal, or rx remedy.

I had considered ordering some rather expensive ginseng supplements, but I caught myself before I did order: had I not tried this before? )(RR?) How long am I willing to face each day as though it is a burden, rather than a gift? No, I"ve got to change courses. I"ve tried wellbutrin several times in teh past, with almost no side effects. I"m not going to spend more time and more effort on things that may or may not work, when I know I can get relief rather quickly with what has worked for me before. The fact that it is an rx, well? So what. I need myself.

What's important, for me anyway, is that my sense of carpe diem and the need to live life fully right now, is addressed. For me, that means an rx.

Wishing you all that you need to get back to yourself.

edited again to delete some of this post because it was just too long
I agree than benzos have their place. I take diazepam for anxiety and muscle spasms and it works well. I've taken opioid painkillers too and never had a problem coming off them. If you use the drugs as directed, ie. don't abuse them you won't have a problem.


Senior Member
Thanks so much for all your posts. I have some Ativan and Xanax left over from last year and just took Ativan. The anxiety was an issue for me today. I was trying to concentrate in class, and it was so difficult. It is in the midst of the anxiety that I feel so helpless, like my world is falling apart. What's so annoying about it is that I performed infront of a big group (I'm a singer-songwriter) and did so well. It doesn't matter how well I do, the anxiety seems to take over.

The anxiety has lasted for a week now and I don't want it to get worse. I have been trying to fight the negative thoughts and it definitely helped me stay more calm this weekend. However, all the exercise, relaxation, meditation, and positive self-talk is such hard work that I don't seem to have time for anything else. So, it's back to using benzos for a while. If the anxiety continues, I'm going to have to go back to an AD. And actually, I feel a sense of relief thinking about going back to an AD since I know it has worked for me in the past. To be honest, I really just want my life back. Of Coarse trying to go the natural route seems noble and responsible, but I feel like I've done all I can do. I won't stop all the healthy habits I've built, but I also feel it necessary to draw upon the help of an AD.
Analea, have you tried Seredyn for your anxiety? (sorry if you have said you have somewhere on here)

I too have found that whilst the SJW helps with the depression the anxiety remains esp in certain trigger situations.

I have just ordered some Seredyn which has had mixed reviews but as we all know it is worth trying everything possible to get rid of these feelings and everyone responds differently.

I have 2 social events over the next week and am going to pop a Seredyn half hour before each and see if it overrides the anxiety. Might be worth a try for you or anyone else who hasn't tried?

Take care
I read several of the messages on this forum and I am very hopeful.

I recently moved away from family and friends to take a new position 2,000 miles away and I am struggling with depression and anxiety.

I think basically I have always struggled to some degree with anxiety which in turn becomes depression at times.

I recently went to my GP and discussed ADs and she gave me Cymbalta but I did some research and look at message boards and I am so freaked out by the side-effects and the whole "weaning" experience that people struggle with. It was frightening reading all of this!! So I have chosen not to take Cymbalta and instead I had ordered Amoryn and Seredyn and I am going to try them.

I also take xanax occasionally when I have really high anxiety. This is not something I take every day but typically I have very high levels of anxiety before my menstrual cycle and I find myself taking them a few days before.

I am not sure if this will work for me but I am terrified of taking Cymbalta and my doctor seems to think this is "the AD" for me. I don't think so.

Wish me luck. I will post again and let you know my results in the next coming weeks with the Amoryn and Seredyn. If anyone has insight on Cymbalta, Amoryn, Seredyn or SJW I would love to know more.
Hi behappy,

Firsty well done for being proactive and not blindly following your Doc's instructions. I also wanted to say dont give up on any of the natural treatments too soon. I had have highs and lows since starting but 7 weeks of SJW has had a huge & positive impact on my depression! I am still taking the recommended dosage of 300mg 3 x daily (the headaches and tiredness went after about a month) and added Seredyn 3 days ago taking 1 tablet 3 x per day on empty stomach as the anxiety is still bothering me. I must say I am feeling pretty "normal" mood wise. I have from childhood been an anxious person so I don't think I will ever be completely free of that but my aim is to get it to a fairly acceptable level. I also bought a book called Dummy's guide to Meditation which is quite amusing and outlines various methods. I am trying to spend 10-15 mins per day doing breathing meditation.

Stick with your chosen treatment-try not to chop & change too much as these things need time-and be gentle with yourself. You will get there!

Take care
Hi Peach,

Thanks for your response.

I have been dreadfully sad and lonely which has lead me to a place of dark depression. I have not been to work in several days as I have no energy and what little energy I do have only seems to come out in tears and despair.

I started taking SJWs the day I posted (1 1/2 days ago) to this message board. I have noticed that after about an hour I of taking SJW I feel somewhat calmer and very sleepy too. I am not sure if this is a typical reaction or perhaps just my own exhaustion from emotion that makes me sleepy. I suppose it is alright to sleep now as I am sure my body needs rest from all the energy I expend just trying to function in a horribly depressed state of mind. I want to be hopeful that SJW will help me to get past some of the doom and gloom I feel right now. I am simply terrified of taking anit-depressants and trying SJW is my only hope. From what I have read so far, is that for most people it takes a while before they started to feel better. I am taking 300 mg of SJWs 3Xs a day. I should be receiving my Amoryn and Seredyn today in the mail. As soon as I receive it I will start taking that. The Amoryn is supposed to help with depression it has SJW, 5-HTP and Rhodiola Rosea in it. I think I've read on a couple of websites where 5-HTP is also supposed to help with depression. I am not sure about Rhodiola Rosea though. I will have to do some reading up on that. The Seredyn is supposed to help with anxiety and I have really high anxiety most of the time. Have any of you tried Kava Kava for anxiety? I have read a little bit about Kava Kava and it seems to be a controversial herb because of some studies regarding this herbs negative impact on the liver.

Anyway, I have rambled on....thanks peach I will let you know how this fares for me. I have to get it together soon because I am scared. Scared I will never get out of this darkness. I look at people and they seem so happy so light-hearted and I want to be like that too. I just want to feel good soon.


I forgot to mention that I too have experienced headaches but I did not associate them with SJW but instead with prolonged crying. I need to be more aware of the headaches. Does the Seredyn help you with anxiety? Or is it still too soon to tell?
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Hi again behappy,

I say if you need to cry, go ahead and cry and if you need to sleep then sleep. Your mind & body are all over the place when in deep depression and you have to go with the flow and not fight all the time. There is no war to win here (no-one should fight against themselves) just a situation you need to cope with as best you can in the present moment.

Where you are right now everything in the present world seems hopeless, pointless & lacking in joy but that's an illusion created by your brain. Try not to dwell on a past when you were happier and don't yearn for the future just take each day at a time. Accept & acknowledge your feelings, congratulate yourself that you are taking steps to deal with them and remind yourself that these feelings and your current situation are only temporary and will pass.

Seredyn does seem to help with the racing heart and flutterings of daily anxiety though I haven't road tested in a social environment yet (that's tomorrow!) so I shall let you know if it keeps the panic at bay.

I know you are impatient and want out of this darkness NOW-and you can break free-I am 75% out after 7 weeks so that's not bad eh? Thing is my situation isn't different from 7 weeks ago but my feelings towards it are. I can hope and smile (and mean it) again:smile:

A book I found helpful: Eckhart Tolle's "A New Earth"

Take care & keep posting
Hi Peach,

Thank you so much for your kind and gentle words. I find them comforting. I dwell on past things, events, moments and yearn for a future that is not here yet. Often I feel as though I don't give myself permission to just feel and accept my feelings where I am at this moment; instead I am in constant battle with myself to "make myself feel better". I put so much pressure on myself to appear "normal" but inside I don't feel normal.

I have to remind myself that this is temporary. Right?

I moved to the East coast from the West about 18 months ago and it has been a constant struggle for me. I keep hoping things will get better and it seems as though I just get more and more depressed about my situation. I have many things I am grateful for here. I have a great job, I work with very nice people, it is very pretty here, but I miss my family and I miss my friends. I miss all the things that are familiar to me; the things I know and love and understand. I know this sounds like a pity-party but I am lonely, just terribly lonely. I have so much anxiety about my future here too. I wonder if this is the way my life is going to be. I try to get out and meet people but often I don't have the energy to put forth into attempting to form new friendships. If I look back on my life I think I have always struggled with depression but somehow it was different having family and friends around to support me. I feel anguish and despair constantly. It literally feels like my heart hurts. It aches. It hurts.

Your message about the book "A New Earth" brought a smile to me (I have not smiled in a very long time...weeks maybe). I bought this book a few weeks ago but have not started reading it yet. Perhaps today I will read a few chapters.

The Amoradyn I ordered arrived yesterday in the mail so today was my first time taking it. I took 1 capsule this morning. The recommendations is to take 3 Xs a day so I will start there and see how I feel in a week. I keep a journal and I am diligent in writing in it each day. It's sort of like my own personal therapy but it will also provide a way to track how I feel. I also received the Seredyn too and I will give that a try. I am a very anxious person and I think I've always been that way my entire life. So hopefully these two things will help me.

Next week I have an appointment with a psychiatrist for an evaluation but I am adamant about not taking the ADs. I will try SJW first. I am hopeful it will work for me. My body is very sensitive to things I put into it so I am hopeful that I will have good results. I know ADs work for many people and they have positive results but I am too afraid of taking them because of side-effects and withdrawal symptoms.

Thank you again for your kind words and encouragement. This is a wonderful website and I am grateful it is here.

about me first

Hello to all who have participate in this thread -

I just read through it in its entirety, and my heart goes out to each situation I've encountered. I am fairly new to the forum, but already it is so helpful not to feel so isolated.

In some ways, I still feel a little freaky compared to what others are writing about here. Many things are the same for me - I have crying spells, days and intense periods of doom and gloom, and I experience anxiety and dread. However, one of my main challenges right now, which I haven't heard anyone else write about, is self injury. I don't cut or razor myself - I hit myself in the head (I have given myself a black eye before) and I scratch my face and my arms, frequently leaving marks (right now I've got a mark under my eye and a few around my forehead that I cover with make-up when I go out.) I am married and we have a daughter (5 years old.) A couple years ago my husband told me he would leave me if I hit myself in front of our daughter again, and this seemed to really help me monitor my abuse. Now we're in a new part of the cycle - I have got to stop hurting myself in front of my husband or he cannot continue to have this relationship with me. It may sound harsh, but he has developed high blood pressure and pain around his heart as a product, at least in part, of my own mental challenges.

I have been seeing a psychologist, and in many ways have grown and improved so much, however what has been happening is I have begun "recovering memories" of childhood trauma. Horrific, surreal, and still somewhat unbelievable. Anyhow, I went the route of seeing a psychiatrist, and almost went on Lexapro - it just seemed like anything that would help would be worth it. However, then I read the testimonies on line and I, like behappy, was horrified! by the side effects and the withdrawal symptoms. How could the possibility of any of these things help in my situation? I needed relief, not more chaos! So I researched the hell out of SJW, and took it for almost 3 weeks. I know, the relief is supposed to come after a month - but for me, the "side effects" of SJW have put our family over the TOP. I am glad that it works so well for many people, and maybe if I could stand the emotional rollercoaster it would be an experience of chathartic healing, however the reality is I went from occasional intense depression due to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder to almost constant anxiety and frequent outbursts of prolonged crying or rage. I also went from hurting myself every few weeks to hurting myself almost every single day. And yesterday, the emotional pain was so intense, I didn't even want to hurt myself - I just started thinking through, realistically, what I would need to do to die.

Goodness - it all seems so meladramatic. but you know, the question for me lately has been "is it worth it" - not is it worth it to take a natural remedy over a pharmaceutical - is life worth it! And of course, it has to be. It is. Of course. It has to be. And so much of the time, I love it - but I definately need some help. So . . . I'm trying Rhodiola Rosea next. Along with a 5htp cream that I'm planning on ordering from HBC Protocals (to use on an as needed basis - hopefully it will help me out of crisis moments.) I'll research Seredyn for anxiety. And I'm renewing my commitment to my husband and myself not to hurt myself - I'm renewing my commitment to myself to really, really, take note of the good times, stretch them out as long as possible, notice when the dread, anxiety, and self hatred come in and week them out - listen to what is going on inside, listen to my own intuition, find a way out, don't give in. I guess one of the biggest differences now, after my experience with SJW, is that I realize how much of the work is just mine to do.

now about you!

Wow, I had intended on replying to a few specific things in different posts on this thread, but really felt compelled to share about myself first. Thanks for listening. Now I can response to those specific things!

This is for everyone, especially for those peachy and behappy, who seemed to be writing the most about meditation/self help. One of the single most helpful experiences for me over this most difficult last winter has been listening to a CD set by Karla McLaren called Emotional Genius. I know its time for me to relisten, and begin to take her approach into a more active practice in my daily life. She herself is a survivor of trauma, as well as being an empathic healer. Her basic approach to the emotions is that every single emotion has something valuable to tell us if we will take the time to listen to what they have to say. When our emotions are so intense, and so negative, they can be overwhelming, so she has some guided meditation techniques to help keep you in your body while you are "listening," as well as some exercises to kind of practice with training wheels. The focus of this whole forum, of course, is to support one another as we look to natural remedies to help us with depression and other mental challenges - Karla's approach adds a new dimension - that the depression and negative emotions have valuable information and insight to help us pursue a meaningful life path full of integrity and joy. Listening to Karla "channel" many of the extremely painful emotions I have been experiencing is extremely healing in its own right - it cuts through an internal sense of isolation and disconnectedness, and brings me right into my center where I feel, not just hopeful, but full of myself in a really nourishing, empowering way.

Next, I had a specific response to behappy - I am sorry you are experiencing such pain and isolation! Our society is so movement oriented, I don't think we really appreciate or value the natural connection people have to place and community. I always think of how people evolved - and we have evolved to be deeply connected to a particular piece of land, and a particular community of people, for lifetimes - generations - thousands of years. Think of the trail of tears - many Cherokee died due to harsh conditions on the journey, but how many died simply out of heartbreak to leave their ancestral home? Few of us in the "Western world" have an ancestral home that we can connect to these days (of course many indigenous people still do,) but I feel that even so we connect to land and people in a way that is critical to our emotional wellbeing. I don't know your particular situation, but reading your posts I couldn't help but wonder - is the move to the East Coast worth it? I hope it does not cause you more pain to hear me ask it, and of course I'm sure you have been asking the same question! but I can't help but wonder, do you need help with depression, or do you need to move back home? I don't know if the move was primarily for a job, or what other options/considerations you have in your situation. Should your life path continue to take you away from the West Coast, away from family, friends, and the land where you grew up? Maybe so! And if so, I pray you develop the necessary relationships to place and people that you need in your new home. Either way, I wonder if you listen to the painful emotions, what advice they may have to give.

The origin of this thread, of course, is in the question - is it worth it to go through the challenges of a natural remedy when, at least for many here, pharmaceuticals have provided safe, effective relief. I don't have much to contribute to this question - I have not had much trust in Western medicine for years. However, my current situation has had me looking again at all options, and it has been very helpful to listen to the posts about pharmaceuticals - I had read mostly negative experiences on line in the past, and it is good to get the other side of the story. Certainly, my experience with SJW has illustrated that a natural remedy can be just as challenging as a synthetic one! Because I have not ever used AD's or anxiety medication, I don't have an experience to fall back on - they are included in the uncharted waters, and I am committed to trying natural remedies first. I will keep the group posted as to my experiences with Rhodiola Rosea, and other protocals I find. In a different thread, I got a great response from a naturopathic dr who outlined some basic nutritional supplements for me to look at. Because my issues are long term, imbalances that began in childhood, replenishing myself through nutrition is a basic foundation that I am sure will help everything over the long term. One of the most basics is a high potency, absorbable Vitamin B Complex, as well as, of course, an uncontaminated source of Omega 3 fish oils (Nordic Naturals is the most highly acknowledged "pharmaceutical grade" fish oil brand that I know of - apparently Eskimo 3 has the same reputation in the UK.)

I guess that's it for now.

Peace to all,
I'm not sure where this post belongs, but since Eleanoran has brought up trauma, I thought this might be of interest to some of you.

EMDR--eye movement desensitization reprocessing


That's a link to a page with links to quite a few articles on this type of therapy. If what I'm reading is accurate, this is revolutionary.

Here's a link to a book by the psychologist who developed this treatment:


You can read an excerpt of the book via amazon.

I called a therapist I had seen a number of years ago this past week, and she gave me a list of other therapists in the area I might see. About one of them she mentioned that he uses EMDR, so I checked it out online, and now I am very, very curious about this. Apparently, this is being used not only for PTSD patients, but for depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, survivors of child abuse, etc. The list seems endless. And if it works as quickly as is being claimed, this looks like it might be the answer to a lot of people's problems.

Just thought I'd toss that out there for those of you who may be interested, in particularly those of you who have experienced trauma.
I am hesitant to give this advice as we all suffer different levels of anxiety... however, I kept a food diary for seven months last year, and yes, diet did help with my anxiety/nerves - and let me tell you, it was a surprise, as I was trying to resolve another problem.

To summarize - Cod liver oil, four desertspoons each day, combined with a diet that excluded all junk food - especially sugar. No caffeine. I also took 800ml of magnesium citrate each day.

You have to be patient with this 'treatment'. I am not a doctor, nor am I a nutritionist, and I can't say exactly what 'worked'. I can say that for me, it's given this rooster many more stress-free days than not. It's been the best thing I've ever done for body and mind combined!

cheers... up-river
It has been 1 week now since I started taking SJW. Actually, last Tuesday I started taking 300mg of SJW 3Xs a day and on Friday I received Amoryn and Seredyn. The Amoryn is an herbal product for helping with depression and it contains SJW, 5-HTP, Rholdiola Rosea and some other vitamins and minerals. The Seredyn has valerian, passion flower and some other minerals which is supposed to help with anxiety.

I started taking these supplements on Friday. I take 1 capsule of the Amoryn straightaway in the morning as soon as I awake. A few hours later I take the Seredyn. Then around 12 I take another capsule of the Amoryn and then around 2 p.m. I take a Seredyn. Finally, at around 4:30 p.m. I take another Amoryn and at around 7:00 p.m. I take a Seredyn. Initially, when I started taking SJW, Amoryn and Seredyn I had headaches but I have not noticed them in the past couple of days.

Overall, I feel better and it may be a placebo affect I am not sure. The one thing I have noticed is that I am able to concentrate more easily. Before it seemed as though my mind constantly raced from one thought to another even when I was trying to sleep. It's like my mind is never quiet. I have been feeling calmer though in the last couple of days. I still cry and at times feel very sad and lonely but overall compared to where I was a week ago I do feel somewhat better.

As far as returning home I will have to be patient. I was laid off from my job back home and searched for new opportunities but the job market in my field is very limited in the area where I lived. I came to the East Coast because I was offered a great position with one of the best companies in the US to work for and I am grateful for my job.

Good news though, my family is coming for a visit at the end of the month for almost 2 weeks and I am looking forward to seeing all of them.

I wanted to thank Elenorann for posting. I am very curious about the Emotional Genius CDs. I am currently reading "A New Earth" and it is a very good read. There is a lot to digest in that book and I find myself re-reading sections of it. There are several interesting points brought up in the book but the one that caught my attention was about the "pain-body" and its need to seek out pain. I cannot do the book justice in my words but I think I could really relate to having a "dense pain-body". I was a child of severe abuse and I constantly struggle with the past and how I deal with the present based on past events. I am not sure if a person can ever change that about themselves; I would like to think so because if not it would seem I have no hope then. When I am finished reading "A New Earth" I believe I will check out the Emotional Genius CDs. I think I am just going to have to accept that I will never be "fixed" my journey will continue each day anew.

Take care all

behappy and upriver and EMDR . . .


I am so glad to be part of this forum! I think it really is a big piece in the support I'm needing right now. I should be purchasing my new set of herbs/supplements today or tomorrow.

upriver - yeah, I'm taking a high quality omega 3 fish oil, 4 large caps each day - and just got the advice on magnesium citrate, recommended 400 mg per day. Glad this combo is working for you! I am excited to see how I will fair over time.

behappy - I figured it wasn't an easy route home, and that may not even be what you're needing if you could go. I noticed you are in North Carolina. I grew up in Texas, and have ended up here in Asheville NC via the midwest for about 7 years in between (TX and NC.) I'm intrigued by your description of "A New Earth," and will have to check it out soon. Let me know what you think of Emotional Genius. I guess I am a bit like you, as I'm hoping that eventually I will be able to change how I relate to my past. My situation is currently quite confusing, as I obviously am "recovering" memories of some severe abuse (I understand the False Memory Syndrome thing, and am not attached to every "memory" being verbetum fact, however I am not the product of a pushy therapist - these things just came bubbling up of their own accord, and with an intensity that has me realing!) Although I often feel discouraged, I do just have to believe that I can change - for my own sake as well as the sake of my husband and daughter. I am so glad you have a found a protocal that is helping you! I feel much more sane now that I have discontinued the SJW, and am very hopefully about the new set of herbs/supps I will begin soon. I'll keep the group posted.

Thanks BelleKelle for mentioning EMDR - I do some of this with my psychologist, and it has been a great way to access the images and "memories" that drive my emotions. Lately, I have backed off doing this kind of processing with her for a while, because I am maxed out on information-images-memories to process for the time being. However, it is a good reminder that it is possible to use this technique to actually resolve things - not just bring them up!

That's it for now -