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Depressed as f..k and have a job interview tomorrow.


Regular Member
Sorry for the rant. I'm not expecting a solution because there's none.

I just need to vent.

I am depressed and suicidal, I'm in a foreign country and I barely speak the language. I regret moving abroad and can't move back in the short term.

I'm unemployed and I have a job interview for a job I hate anyway and I'm sh..ing my pants because I can't speak the language properly.

Even in the unlikely case I get this job, how can I survive with this depression?

I've upped my SJW but it'll take weeks before I can notice the effects. It usually get better come spring, but by then I'll be homeless if I can't manage to find a job.

How can it possibly go worse than this?


Regular Member
Sorry to hear about your troubles. Being stranded alone in foreign country while dealing with depression and unemployment can be a devastating experience.

Still, may I suggest a few things that you might find helpful? If not just feel free to disregard it.

1. Medicine / Supplements
Do you have a medical insurance that would enable you to get a stronger medication such as SSRI? Mental health clinics are a good alternative too. If not have you though or tried complementing SJW with L-Tryptophan? Later should speed up and increase the effects of SJW. You might also want to look into herbs such as Ashwagandha, Tulsi (Holi Basil), etc. And SAD light therapy as well. If you find you usually get better in spring, SAD light therapy boxes can be of great help (I find them extremely useful for winter depression myself).

2. Diet
How is your diet? Are you getting enough high quality nutrition and avoiding junk food (sugar, alcohol, caffeine, drugs...)? Do you take a high quality multivitamin and a magnesium supplement? Sometimes depression can be made much worse by nutritional deficiencies or allergies. Certain B vitamins also can help antidepressant medication quite a bit.

3. Friends and groups
When depressed one naturally isolates, but if you manage to reach out to people it can be of great help. Look into meetup.com or okcupid.com and try to find new friends (maybe from your home country) or self help groups related to depression and mental health. Online depression forums/bulletin boards could be an alternative as well. It definitely helps if you can talk to someone about your feelings.

4. Therapy
I know you're unemployed and probably short on cash, but certain clinics or training institutes in some countries do provide free or very low cost mental health advisory and therapy to certain populations (such as unemployed). Try Gooogling it and see if you come up with something.

I hope you might find some of this useful. I wish you all the best on your road to getting better, finding employment and awaiting spring!


Regular Member
Thanks for your reply.

I don't have any medical insurance yet ( I should) but I don't really want to go back to SSRI. They made me highly suicidal back in 2010 and I am scared to hell.

I managed to get to the interview, I didn't get the job but I am glad that I could conduct the whole interview in a foreign language.

I have switched from 2x300mg Perika to 1x450 mg Kira Forte. Unfortunately there's no 300mg or 600mg Kira in this county and maybe 900mg is too much. High doses of SJW make me agitated and irritable. This is my problem, when I'm not depressed and suicidal, I am angry and nervous.

I have tried l-tryptophan and 5-htp in the past, alone and with SJW, but to no good effect. My diet is quite healthy (I can get fresh vegs and fish at the local market) and I supplement with vitamin b, d and zinc on top of SJW.

The suicidal peak (or low) seems to have gone but now I've lost interest in everything. I struggle to find a job and even if I had one , I'd be a total wreck.

I have to come to terms with the fact that my move abroad is a total failure and this adds up to my already fragile, if non-existent, self esteem.

I'm not really into social networks or friendship website. My only social life has been mainly though study and work. Not doing either, I feel cut out.

Soccer Dude

Regular Member
Hi maddog,

I some times feel like you, as I"ve been in this health mess of mine for almost 3 years. Started out with severe anxiety/panic, then insomnia, then depression. The depression got really bad after trying SSRI's, one in particular. In any case, after getting off all the meds, I tried some natural things, one in particular made me worse like the SSRI. I then went on to Amino Acid therapy with the help of a ND. This included things like 5-htp, tyrosine, choline, Mucuna, etc...This was to increase and balance all the neurotransmitters. I got some relief but not enough. I think the main issue was at some point after the SSRI's, I got adrenal fatigue, and my hormones got out of balance. Have you had your hormones checked? You could still have some low neurotransmitters or some that get to high. I would find a doctor, a naturopathic doctor (ND) who is familiar with balancing neurotransmitters. I think the problem with SSRI's they target basically Serotonin. (Some might mildly touch other neuros) But, if your Serotonin levels get too high, maybe that causes others to get too low, dopamine or norepinipherine. The key here with you is balance I think. And SJW might be causing too high of Serotonin, which could cause symptoms, and might cause other neurotransmitters to get too high or low. Or, you just have multiple neuros that need to be addressed. Finding the right product and dose is important it sound like with you, as you are sensitive. Just like me. :)

My other suggestion is having your hormones checked. Have your Thyroid checked also. DHEA, Testosterone (low "T" can cause depression), etc.... Supporting your adrenal glands first is important as they effect Thyroid. They say not to treat Thyroid before treating Adrenals. Anyway, for me I had issues with neurotransmitters and adrenal issues. And I had to treat both and now I'm slowly getting better.

Also, if you go from feeling agitated to depressed, could that be a bit of bi-polar? I wouldn't treat this yourself. But, you could ask a doctor about trying Lithium Orotate. This is the over the counter lithium, pretty safe compared to high doses of Rx. But, again don't try just to try it. But, talk to a doctor about it. See if you are bi-polar first and then see if they would allow you to try lithium orotate.

There is hope. You just need to find the right doctor who can help, run the rights tests, get a proper diagnoses, and start the correct treatment.

You could always call a USA doctor who is familiar with amino acid therapy. My doctor is at http://cnmwellness.com/

Here are some other tid bits about neuros, thyroid, etc...


I know you don't like social networks or whatever, but one web site that has helped me is anxietyzone.com. They have a chat room, where there are people just like you going through the same crud that you can relate to, talk to, get encouragement and support from. But, at the same time if you have anxiety, hearing about other peoples issue might make you uncomfortable, but I did find the chat room pretty helpful. There is also tons of info about people's experiences with different types of treatments, where you can post your own questions and see if someone can help you. But again, find a good ND to help you.