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9 years on! This forum helped save my life

Hi guys
Its been a VERY long time! I stopped taking SJW in jan 2002 - after 2 years of it, combined with Vit b12 and councelling, i weaned off it over a month (DO NOT JUST STOP). I was lucky, there was a reason for my depression, i had PTSD, which the councelling revealed, I was lucky there was a reason for my depression, but without this forum, and the support it gave me to be able to post freely about my feelings and thoughts, and to support other people who REALLY knew how I felt, and i REALLY knew how they felt was a massive help.
I am a qualified nurse. Until I got depression, I thought it was just "omg stop feeling sorry for yourself and shake yourself out of it" then i got it. My world as I knew it ended. I was outgoing, bubbly, life and soul, and even now people find it hard to believe i broke down, and it happened to me...

Im here to say that 9 years on, I am still well. It took 2 years of SJW, alot of support, and councelling, but i never gave up, I wanted to be better, and thankfully, I am a lucky one that is. I remember laying in the bath sobbing, and my husband finding me. He asked what was wrong, and i just said "if this is how i will feel for the rest of my life, I dont want to be here anymore" that was my lowest point. But i got better. You can too.
From not being able to face people, not being strong enough to even go to work, and to this day still regretting important life moments or things that happened at that time, that i just couldnt face or do, I realise, that depression was to blame not me, and i have now been running my own buisness (hospitality industry) for 5 years.
I wanted to pop back and say thankyou to kelly and fellow sufferers who supported me, and also to say that you might be struggling now, but you can do it, I did, and although i have "wobbles" now and then, i realise that that is normal for everyone. My biggest fear is feeling how i did then, i never want to feel that again, so i tell myself its ok and to chill :)
I also changed brands about a year in - BIG MISTAKE!!! It was like starting again - stick with what you have, research, get prof help if you can with councelling, - i didnt think councelling was the answer, but she revealed it was! I found out stuff or remember stuff i didnt know i knew!
The brain is wonderful at both controlling us when well, and also when not well - sometimes it needs a hand when we put it through things it doesnt know how to handle. Like windows vista tbh! it needs a few patches and download upgrades!
Anyhow I waffled enough. Hard to believe i was in such a mess when you read this, but trust me I REALLY was. Im not perfect, but i dont wake up and my first thought is "is today a good or bad day" and havent for years.
Thankyou kelly for the site, and thanks to all the people that helped me get well all those years ago.
Sending massive support and thoughts and hope just one person gets inspiration. Its hard to find strength when you are at your lowest, but try and find a tiny spec, hold on to that single positive moment in a day, and its something to build on - dont let it beat you, try and find the spec and build on it.
take care everyone


Senior Member
Wow! There's a blast from the past!

Glad to hear that all is going well for you, Jexy!

I remember fondly those weird and wonderful threads we used to have back then (I hate to even count how many years ago!).

Funny that I only really check these forums a few times a year and today is one and there is this thread!

Other than a broken heart, things are going fairly well for me, too - Haven't taken SJW for quite a few years, for any length of time, anyway. Have had a couple of occasions where I felt I needed a bit of a lift and it provided it well, but at least usually I knew why I was feeling that way, which is actually a nice change from how it used to be where there was no reason for feeling that terrible about everything.

Anyway, lovely to read your post.

Hiya Jexy,

So much of what you say rings 100% true for me. When we're struggling with depression it's very difficult to 'step outside' the condition and get proper perspective on what's causing it -- and the best way to move forward isn't always obvious. Like you, SJW helped enormously in the short term (1-2 years), but I also found that finding a good counsellor was a real turning point. It really enabled me to understand what was triggering my condition and provided a great platform for recovery. The trick, of course, is finding the right counsellor with the right area of expertise. The internet, however is a great research tool for this and was hugely useful to me - along with being lucky enough to have a really good counsellor suggested by my doctor. However, if you don't go out and look you won't find, and I did try one or two poor ones before I found a good one. As with all of these things, the moral of the story is - keep looking, keep trying.

Like you, I still consider myself to be 'in recovery'. I know that if I ignore the lessons of the past (reducing exposure to stress, getting plenty of sleep and exercise, good diet etc.) the depression may return. However, I am so much stronger than before and I know that if depression symptoms started poking through again I would now back myself to bounce back quickly and not feel it was the start of some dreadful new 'episode'.

Great post, Jexy -- I am a huge advocate of counselling and I'm really glad it helped you as it did me. I hope that everyone reading this thread who is looking for healing from depression & anxiety keeps an open mind about talk therapy as a really useful tool in beating this horrible, debilitating condition.

Sheephead. :smile:
Hey David! and sheep!
See how bad i suck at checking things!
David, it is SOOOO good to hear from you! and yes its too many years! There were lots of discussions and support, and I miss those!
Sheep - I totally agree with the councelling thing, I hated my first one, went on defensive, but my second one saved my life truly.
The first I knew of my depression, or how i found out, was going to the doc, telling her how i felt, with no clue on it, thinking I was "ill" and her giving me a prescription. It wasnt until I read it and it said prozac... not the best way to be diagnosed! I threw it away, went straight to buy some SJW, stopped caffiene, which I still dont have unless i need paracetamol! and then found this site, and discovered B12 complex.
The reason I revisited is because one of my staff opened up to me, having tried lots of things for years, and having given herself till the ripe old age of 25 before she says enough is enough of feeling this way. Next day I went to town, got her some SJW with strict instructions to take it with food, spread the dose, and also some b complex and directions to this site. Hope it will help her as it did me.
David stay in touch if you read this - would be great to catch up properly. Am desperately trying to remember the 3rd person of the "crew!" back then who loved to debate and chat as we did, but im getting old so need to research and check old posts!
Guys, feel free to PM me in the best and worst times - I really was there trust me, and I would have loved to have had a post like this, positive, and telling or proving to me, that you can beat this, I did - but i had to accept it happened to me first.